We in no way, shape, or form advocate that one drink heavily during Twins games, unless one is Patrick Reusse. We do, however, find it fun to observe how often Dick and Bert say or do certain things throughout the season. Were one to drink when these things occurred, one could get very drunk indeed. Or if you decided to play this game with a DQ Blizzard, well . . . you’d have a serious case of brain freeze before too long.
Take a drink (or chuckle quietly to yourself) whenever:
Bert says “everything for the hitters.”
Bert talks derisively about pitch counts.
Bert calls another pitcher a “workhorse”. Take two drinks if he’s talking about Buehrle.
Someone has to put something into the “kitty” for one reason or another.
Bert circles someone using a different shape than a circle (triangle, square, heart, star, and so forth).
Bert refers to Jim Kaat as “Kitty” or says “Kitty Kitty Kitty” when someone else mentions him.
A wager of any sort is made. Take two drinks if Bert loses the bet; chug if Bert has any part of his body shaved as a result.
Bert makes Dick laugh so much it takes a little while to get back to the game.
Bert says something that might be considered inappropriate on a family TV show.
Bert refers to his checkered past of saying inappropriate things.
Bert refers to the pitcher as “the best athlete on the field.”
Either Dick or Bert make a “call.” Chug if they get it right.
Bert circles someone other than a fan. Toast the Twins if it’s Kent Hrbek.
Bert mentions “buttocks.”
The large amount of foul territory in Oakland is mentioned.
Bert says “at the major league level.”
Dick consults a map of Minnesota.
Chug if Bert eats a nightcrawler or some other living thing.
Bert says “drops the head of the bat.”
Toast Dick & Bert any time they mock Ron Coomer.
They get the answer wrong to the trivia question, but somehow justify it as a right answer anyway.
[The game so far is brought to you by Laurel and Timprov, though we welcome contributions from others. We’re adding things as we think of them. Are we missing something? Tell us about it.]